Submitted by:
Ladon Brumfield
Executive Director
Girls Rule!
http://www.girlz-rule.org/
Most parents want to do their best in talking with their kids about sex and sexuality, but we're often not sure how to begin. Here's some advice:
Explore your own attitudes
Studies show that kids who feel they can talk with their parents about sex -- because their moms and dads speak openly and listen carefully to them -- are less likely to engage in high-risk behavior as teens than kids who do not feel they can talk with their parents about the subject. So explore your feelings about sex. If you are very uncomfortable with the subject, read some books and discuss your feelings with a trusted friend, relative, physician, or clergy member. The more you examine the subject, the more confident you'll feel discussing it.
Even if you can't quite overcome your discomfort, don't worry about admitting it to your kids. It's okay to say something like, "You know, I'm uncomfortable talking about sex because my parents never talked with me about it. But I want us to be able to talk about anything -- including sex -- so please come to me if you have any questions. And if I don't know the answer, I'll find out."
Start early
Teaching your children about sex demands a gentle, continuous flow of information that should begin as early as possible -- for instance, when teaching your toddler where his nose and toes are, include "this is your penis" or "this is your vagina" in your talks. As your child grows, you can continue her education by adding more materials gradually until she understands the subject well.
Take the initiative
If your child hasn't started asking questions about sex, look for a good opportunity to bring it up. Say, for instance, the mother of an 8-year-old's best friend is pregnant. You can say, "Did you notice that David's mommy's tummy is getting bigger? That's because she's going to have a baby and she's carrying it inside her. Do you know how the baby got inside her?" then let the conversation move from there.
Talk about more than the "Birds and the Bees"
While our children need to know the biological facts about sex, they also need to understand that sexual relationships involve caring, concern and responsibility. By discussing the emotional aspect of a sexual relationship with your child, she will be better informed to make decisions later on and to resist peer pressure. If your child is a pre-teen, you need to include some message about the responsibilities and consequences of sexual activity. Conversations with 11 and 12-year-olds, for example, should include talks about unwanted pregnancy and how they can protect themselves.
One aspect that many parents overlook when discussing sex with their child is dating. As opposed to movies, where two people meet and later end up in bed together, in real life there is time to get to know each other -- time to hold hands, go bowling, see a movie, or just talk. Children need to know that this is an important part of a caring relationship.
Give accurate, age-appropriate information
Talk about sex in a way that fits the age and stage of your child. If your 8-year-old asks why boys and girls change so much physically as they grow, you can say something like, "The body has special chemicals called hormones that tell it whether to become a boy or a girl. A boy has a penis and testicles, and when he grows older his voice gets lower and he gets more hair on his body. A girl has a vulva and vagina, and when she gets older she grows breasts and her hips grow rounder."
Anticipate the next stage of development
Children can get frightened and confused by the sudden changes their bodies begin to go through as they reach puberty. To help stop any anxiety, talk with your kids not only about their current stage of development but about the next stage, too. An 8-year-old girl is old enough to learn about menstruation, just as a boy that age is ready to learn how his body will change.
Communicate your values
It's our responsibility to let our children know our values about sex. Although they may not adopt these values as they mature, at least they'll be aware of them as they struggle to figure out how they feel and want to behave.
Talk with your child of the opposite sex
Some parents feel uncomfortable talking with their child about topics like sex if the youngster is of the opposite gender. While that's certainly understandable, don't let it become an excuse to close off conversation. If you're a single mother of a son, for example, you can turn to books to help guide you or ask your doctor for some advice on how to bring up the topic with your child. You could also recruit an uncle or other close male friend or relative to discuss the subject with your child, provided there is already good, open communication between them. If there are two parents in the household, it might feel less awkward to have the dad talk with the boy and the mom with the girl. That's not a hard and fast rule, though. If you're comfortable talking with either sons or daughters, go right ahead. Just make sure that gender differences don't make subjects like sex taboo.
Relax
Don't worry about knowing all the answers to your children's questions; what you know is a lot less important than how you respond. If you can convey the message that no subject, including sex, is forbidden in your home, you'll be doing just fine.
Parent Feedback/Tip:
Have a Mock Discussion with a Friend or Family Member First
If the idea of this discussion really makes your palms sweat, many parents have found that taking a trial run with a friend or family member helped to ease the anxiety that they felt. Think about what you'd like to accomplish in your first discussion and try it out with a friend or family member. Ask your friend or family member to anticipate a question or two that may be asked of you during your discussion.
Infuse Your Spiritual Beliefs into the Discussion
Last year Girls Rule! co-sponsored an HIV awareness campaign where we developed sex and relationship sessions specifically geared toward girls and Tween's. We developed age appropriate sessions that encouraged girls to not only view their bodies as Temples, but also developed sessions for Tween's and Teens that allowed them to think through their approach to relationships and sexual behavior from a spiritual perspective. We also assisted them in developing their own strategies to navigate out of a variety of potentially
sexual interactions with suitors/boyfriends. Try to infuse one of these strategies into your discussion to make the conversation more interactive and to equip your child with the skills that may be called upon in real life situations.
Sample Questions & Answers
Q. What's safe sex?
A. If two people have sexual intercourse, and one of them has HIV or another sexually transmitted disease, he could give it to his partner(s). Doctors believe that if the man wears a latex condom whenever he has intercourse, it helps to protect him and his partner from giving each other HIV. That's why people call sexual intercourse with a latex condom "safe sex."
Q. Is it true that you can't get pregnant the first time that you have sex?
A. No. You can get pregnant anytime you have sexual intercourse. Wearing a latex condom, taking birth control pills, or using other contraceptives are very effective at preventing pregnancy. However, the only absolute way to not get pregnant is to not have sex at all.
Tip:
You might also use this question as an opportunity to point out that not having sexual intercourse is a good idea for teens. Help them understand that there are other ways to show affection.
Interested in more resources? Visit us on the web at:
http://www.girlz-rule.org/
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Girls Rule! News: Obama/Biden - How two Girls Rule Members Helped to Make History!
Submitted by:
Ladon Brumfield
Executive Director
Girls Rule!
www.girlz-rule.org
Girls Rule! members were very excited about the 2008 Presidential Election. Many of our girls worked with their parents and local communities to support the campaign to elect Barack Obama to the highest office in the land, President of the United States of America.
Two of our members took their support a step further. They joined Girls Rule Executive Director, Ladon Brumfield as she traveled to the election battle ground state of Indiana where they spent two days supporting local efforts to Barack the Vote!
On November 4, 2008 not only did Barack Obama make history by becoming the Nation's first African American President, but he won the battle ground state to Indiana by fewer than 5oo votes! This was the first time that a Democratic Presidential candidate had won the state in 44 years.
Below is Miora's story...
October 25th, 2008
Today Maya, Ms. Ladon and I went campaigning for....BARACK OBAMA! We awoke at around 6:00am to get ready. BIG YAWN! I was sleepy - but soooo excited! I've never been involved in supporting a political campaign before and wasn't quite sure what to expect but I really wanted to help out. My friend Maya, our Girls Rule Chaplain also liked Barack Obama and asked if she could go to Indiana with us so we picked her up at about 7:30am. After stocking up on donuts and milk we hit the road toward Indiana. I read on http://www.barackobama.com/ that a Democratic candidate had not won in Indiana for 44 years! WOW. But since a lot of people there liked Barack Obama the Democrats and Republicans are running neck and neck for the Presidency. As we drove to the headquarters Maya and I talked about all of the abandoned houses we saw along the road. My mom said that many of them were forclosed on because of the economy, the flooding that they had there and as a result of the steel mill industry dying years ago. What the heck are steel mills, right? I asked my mom the same thing but it's too long to write about! But a lot of people lost their jobs and didn't have money to spend at the businesses there. Sad.
We made it to the headquarters and they helped us to understand what early voting was and why it was important to be a part of the voting process. When we left there we began canvassing....and boy was I nervous when we went to the first door! It was easy though! Plus my mom likes talking to people. We probably pass hundreds of people on the street every day and don't say a word so today it was interesting to see what happens when we do talk. Some people are going through so much. We met one man who was 52 years old and had never voted but he said that he was motivated to become a part of this election so he registered a few months ago! We met another family who had been hit very hard by floods in their neighborhood. Their daughters were soooo cute! The dad was also really motivated to be a part of the voting process. We met soooo many people and it was a really long, cold day but it was fun and for a good cause. It seemed like Mr. Obama had a lot of support in Indiana. I prayed that he would win on the ride home.
We want Barack! Gotta have Barack!
We want Barack! Gotta have Barack!
Miora B, age 11
Treasurer, Girls Rule!
http://www.girlz-rule.org/
Ladon Brumfield
Executive Director
Girls Rule!
www.girlz-rule.org
Girls Rule! members were very excited about the 2008 Presidential Election. Many of our girls worked with their parents and local communities to support the campaign to elect Barack Obama to the highest office in the land, President of the United States of America.
Two of our members took their support a step further. They joined Girls Rule Executive Director, Ladon Brumfield as she traveled to the election battle ground state of Indiana where they spent two days supporting local efforts to Barack the Vote!
On November 4, 2008 not only did Barack Obama make history by becoming the Nation's first African American President, but he won the battle ground state to Indiana by fewer than 5oo votes! This was the first time that a Democratic Presidential candidate had won the state in 44 years.
Below is Miora's story...
October 25th, 2008
Today Maya, Ms. Ladon and I went campaigning for....BARACK OBAMA! We awoke at around 6:00am to get ready. BIG YAWN! I was sleepy - but soooo excited! I've never been involved in supporting a political campaign before and wasn't quite sure what to expect but I really wanted to help out. My friend Maya, our Girls Rule Chaplain also liked Barack Obama and asked if she could go to Indiana with us so we picked her up at about 7:30am. After stocking up on donuts and milk we hit the road toward Indiana. I read on http://www.barackobama.com/ that a Democratic candidate had not won in Indiana for 44 years! WOW. But since a lot of people there liked Barack Obama the Democrats and Republicans are running neck and neck for the Presidency. As we drove to the headquarters Maya and I talked about all of the abandoned houses we saw along the road. My mom said that many of them were forclosed on because of the economy, the flooding that they had there and as a result of the steel mill industry dying years ago. What the heck are steel mills, right? I asked my mom the same thing but it's too long to write about! But a lot of people lost their jobs and didn't have money to spend at the businesses there. Sad.
We made it to the headquarters and they helped us to understand what early voting was and why it was important to be a part of the voting process. When we left there we began canvassing....and boy was I nervous when we went to the first door! It was easy though! Plus my mom likes talking to people. We probably pass hundreds of people on the street every day and don't say a word so today it was interesting to see what happens when we do talk. Some people are going through so much. We met one man who was 52 years old and had never voted but he said that he was motivated to become a part of this election so he registered a few months ago! We met another family who had been hit very hard by floods in their neighborhood. Their daughters were soooo cute! The dad was also really motivated to be a part of the voting process. We met soooo many people and it was a really long, cold day but it was fun and for a good cause. It seemed like Mr. Obama had a lot of support in Indiana. I prayed that he would win on the ride home.
We want Barack! Gotta have Barack!
We want Barack! Gotta have Barack!
Miora B, age 11
Treasurer, Girls Rule!
http://www.girlz-rule.org/
Girls Rule! News: Teaching Kids about Financial Responsibility
Teaching Kids Financial Responsibility
By: Ladon Brumfield, Executive Director
Girls Rule!
www.girlz-rule.org
In todays world of "plastic purchases," many kids are growing up with little understanding of the financial realities of life. As parents, our paychecks are directly deposited into our accounts, we pay bills online, and use credit or debit cards to make purchases.
While these methods are certainly convenient, they may be robbing our children of the valuable lessons they will carry into adulthood. What can we do today, to teach our children the value of money? What tools and experiences will they need to become fiscally responsible adults? Most importantly, how do we get started?
There are many ways to teach your kids about money. One place to start is with an allowance. By giving your children an allowance, you are beginning an important conversation that will hopefully continue through to adulthood. It also gives you and your spouse an opportunity to evaluate your own financial habits and goals, changing any bad habits that you may be struggling with.
When determining an allowance, it is necessary to first decide what you are trying to teach your kids. For younger kids, it is a good idea to teach the basics of saving. A young child may be given 10 dimes each week. This makes it easy for her to understand the concepts of saving. One basic breakdown is 10% to long term savings (like a college fund,) 20% to savings (for a special toy, etc.) and 70% to spend.
Use three different jars, each week putting one dime in the college fund, two dimes into savings, leaving seven dimes to spend. The concept is that this equation for saving will become a lifelong habit, continuing as the allowance increases.
When teaching older kids to budget, give them an amount that can cover their needs, but will still require them to make decisions about their purchases. Decide together what purchases they will be responsible to pay for with their money. This is the time to establish expectations.
You may also teach basic budgeting skills to make sure that they understand that the money has to last the whole week, month, or "pay period." A few failures may help to reinforce these lessons, and ensure success later on.
In high school, encourage your child to seek employment, and become even more financially independent. Hopefully, by now your child has established good financial habits. Now is the time to open up their own bank account with a debit card, and a separate savings account. Giving children the opportunity to succeed or fail with a debt card while still at home, can help to prepare them for financial success when they leave home to begin college or their career.
Good luck!
Ladon Brumfield
Executive Director
Girls Rule!
http://www.girlz-rule.org/
By: Ladon Brumfield, Executive Director
Girls Rule!
www.girlz-rule.org
In todays world of "plastic purchases," many kids are growing up with little understanding of the financial realities of life. As parents, our paychecks are directly deposited into our accounts, we pay bills online, and use credit or debit cards to make purchases.
While these methods are certainly convenient, they may be robbing our children of the valuable lessons they will carry into adulthood. What can we do today, to teach our children the value of money? What tools and experiences will they need to become fiscally responsible adults? Most importantly, how do we get started?
There are many ways to teach your kids about money. One place to start is with an allowance. By giving your children an allowance, you are beginning an important conversation that will hopefully continue through to adulthood. It also gives you and your spouse an opportunity to evaluate your own financial habits and goals, changing any bad habits that you may be struggling with.
When determining an allowance, it is necessary to first decide what you are trying to teach your kids. For younger kids, it is a good idea to teach the basics of saving. A young child may be given 10 dimes each week. This makes it easy for her to understand the concepts of saving. One basic breakdown is 10% to long term savings (like a college fund,) 20% to savings (for a special toy, etc.) and 70% to spend.
Use three different jars, each week putting one dime in the college fund, two dimes into savings, leaving seven dimes to spend. The concept is that this equation for saving will become a lifelong habit, continuing as the allowance increases.
When teaching older kids to budget, give them an amount that can cover their needs, but will still require them to make decisions about their purchases. Decide together what purchases they will be responsible to pay for with their money. This is the time to establish expectations.
You may also teach basic budgeting skills to make sure that they understand that the money has to last the whole week, month, or "pay period." A few failures may help to reinforce these lessons, and ensure success later on.
In high school, encourage your child to seek employment, and become even more financially independent. Hopefully, by now your child has established good financial habits. Now is the time to open up their own bank account with a debit card, and a separate savings account. Giving children the opportunity to succeed or fail with a debt card while still at home, can help to prepare them for financial success when they leave home to begin college or their career.
Good luck!
Ladon Brumfield
Executive Director
Girls Rule!
http://www.girlz-rule.org/
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Girls Rule! News: Etiquette Classes for African American Girls
When I first began to advocate the importance for African American Girls to have access to fun and engaging etiquette classes many parents, teachers and adults were very supportive. Some were frustrated by rude or disrespectful social behavior they had observed in their daughters and grand-daughters or simply desired the young ladies in their lives to develop enhanced esteem, poise, table and telephone manners and were by how to teach kindness, responsibility, thoughfulness in a sometimes rude and violent world.
As a mother and mentor of young ladies I understood their frustrations and concerns, however while important - the major reason for my pushing the etiquette envelop was my professional Corporate experience with a Big 4 Global Human Resource Consulting firm. It was my observation that social skills, or lack there of could impact the earning potential or career opportunities of people of color. Not only do interviewers evaluate professional experience, technical competencies and knowledge, but close attention is also paid to "soft skills" such as social presentation skills, communication expertise and demeanor. Many times when final hiring decisions are made, soft skill assessments or lack there of were the deal breakers.
This observation caused me to aske the question:
Yes! Three separate studies conducted by Harvard University, the Carnegie Foundation, and the Stanford Research Institute agree that "Success in getting, keeping, and advancing in a job depends 85% on people skills and only 15% on technical skills." So proper social skills including courtesy and respect may be the bottom line in determining a profitable future.
With the realization that etiquette skills were not just only warm and fuzzy "niceties" but were critical life skills I developed the Girls Rule! Etiquette Imperative, an etiquette workshop which was designed for African American girls ages 7-14. This program provides an organized opportunity for discussion of the rules of etiquette in age appropriate fun and engaging manner. Access to these esteem building, critical life skills help girls to successfully navigate social situations, enhance their communication skills and serve them well as they transition in to womanhood. Many girls have completed the etiquette program received their certificates. Their mothers were pleasantly surprised by how fully their daughters embraced the lessons taught and their lasting impact on behavior, family relationships, friendships, esteem and success in school.
Actions really do speak louder than words. As parents and adults who nurture children, let's work together to ensure that they have all of the tools required to live successful, empowered, happy lives. Etiquette certainly is a piece of that puzzle.
Ladon Brumfield
Executive Director
Girls Rule!
http://www.girlz-rule.org/
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
