Question: I am a single father (widowed) raising a beautiful 11 year old daughter who has - against my wishes, "hit" puberty. How do I help her to understand and to feel comfortable discussing the emotional and physical changes her body is going through, when I don't understand them myself?
Answer: Congratulations! You're about to deal with something that most dads spend a lot of time worrying about. Luckily, though, it really isn't all that bad.
First of, let's recognize that women's bodies have always been something of a mystery to most men and it's perfectly normal to be confused, embarrassed, or even somewhat put off by your daughter's physical changes or the idea of discussing them with her.
Now that you've acknowledged that this will be a learning experience for the both of you, do a little research so that you are prepared for her questions. To start with, you should learn a little about girls' puberty. That way if you ever need to talk to your daughter about it you'll sound a little more knowledgeable.
Somewhere between ages of 8 and 14 the process will start. Your daughter will start to develop breasts, she'll start growing hair on her genitals and under her arms, her skin may start breaking out, and eventually she'll start menstruating. The whole process usually takes from 18 months to as long as 7 or 8 years to complete. If your daughter seems to be starting puberty at the very early end of the age range or hasn't started by the end of the range, have a talk with her pediatrician.
Ask your daughter whether she has any questions about what's going on and let her know that she can ask you anytime she wants to talk. She'll probably be far too self-conscious to discuss those intimate details with "dad," but having made the offer will let her know that you care--and that's the most important thing. You should also consider obtaining some books on the subject -- some for her and some for you!
Consider introducing your daughter to a book like, "The Care & Keeping Of You: The Body Book For Girls" by American Girl - or other fun, engaging and informative guides that answer all of the questions growing girls have about their bodies—from hair care to healthy eating, bad breath to bra buying, pimples to periods. These books are great to read together and provide a less stressful or akward opportunity to discuss the changes she may be experiencing.
If you sense that your daughter isn't getting the information she needs offer to put her in touch with an adult female friend or relative she might feel more comfortable talking to.
During this time of change recognize that it may be exciting, but also stressful to her. Your daughter may feel fat, embarrassed, and uncomfortable in her new body. She may be constantly comparing her rate of development to that of her girl friends and, if she's started early, she may have to deal with some increased attention from boys. If you sense that your daughter is stressed but isn't ready to talk with you about the changes she is experiencing, consider presenting her with a journal so that she may write about them. There are wonderful journaling books available for girls, such as; "The Care & Keeping Of You Journal" which is an interactive journal that allows girls to record their moods, track their periods, and keep in touch with their overall health and well-being. Tips, quizzes, and checklists help girls understand and express what’s happening to their bodies—and their feelings about it.
Just like when she was three, your daughter needs to know what she's going through is normal and that you, the most important male figure in her life, love her. Please remember that if you push her away because you'd rather not deal with this uncomfortable season, no matter how good your intentions, she's going to feel rejected and bad about herself.
Enjoy this journey together...ultimately she will love and appreciate you for it.
Have a question? Email it to use at Girlz@girlz-rule.org
Answer: Congratulations! You're about to deal with something that most dads spend a lot of time worrying about. Luckily, though, it really isn't all that bad.
First of, let's recognize that women's bodies have always been something of a mystery to most men and it's perfectly normal to be confused, embarrassed, or even somewhat put off by your daughter's physical changes or the idea of discussing them with her.
Now that you've acknowledged that this will be a learning experience for the both of you, do a little research so that you are prepared for her questions. To start with, you should learn a little about girls' puberty. That way if you ever need to talk to your daughter about it you'll sound a little more knowledgeable.
Somewhere between ages of 8 and 14 the process will start. Your daughter will start to develop breasts, she'll start growing hair on her genitals and under her arms, her skin may start breaking out, and eventually she'll start menstruating. The whole process usually takes from 18 months to as long as 7 or 8 years to complete. If your daughter seems to be starting puberty at the very early end of the age range or hasn't started by the end of the range, have a talk with her pediatrician.
Ask your daughter whether she has any questions about what's going on and let her know that she can ask you anytime she wants to talk. She'll probably be far too self-conscious to discuss those intimate details with "dad," but having made the offer will let her know that you care--and that's the most important thing. You should also consider obtaining some books on the subject -- some for her and some for you!
Consider introducing your daughter to a book like, "The Care & Keeping Of You: The Body Book For Girls" by American Girl - or other fun, engaging and informative guides that answer all of the questions growing girls have about their bodies—from hair care to healthy eating, bad breath to bra buying, pimples to periods. These books are great to read together and provide a less stressful or akward opportunity to discuss the changes she may be experiencing.
If you sense that your daughter isn't getting the information she needs offer to put her in touch with an adult female friend or relative she might feel more comfortable talking to.
During this time of change recognize that it may be exciting, but also stressful to her. Your daughter may feel fat, embarrassed, and uncomfortable in her new body. She may be constantly comparing her rate of development to that of her girl friends and, if she's started early, she may have to deal with some increased attention from boys. If you sense that your daughter is stressed but isn't ready to talk with you about the changes she is experiencing, consider presenting her with a journal so that she may write about them. There are wonderful journaling books available for girls, such as; "The Care & Keeping Of You Journal" which is an interactive journal that allows girls to record their moods, track their periods, and keep in touch with their overall health and well-being. Tips, quizzes, and checklists help girls understand and express what’s happening to their bodies—and their feelings about it.
Just like when she was three, your daughter needs to know what she's going through is normal and that you, the most important male figure in her life, love her. Please remember that if you push her away because you'd rather not deal with this uncomfortable season, no matter how good your intentions, she's going to feel rejected and bad about herself.
Enjoy this journey together...ultimately she will love and appreciate you for it.
Have a question? Email it to use at Girlz@girlz-rule.org
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment