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Nothing stymies the healthy development of a young girl quite like bullying. Not only does bullying cause significant emotional and physical harm to young ladies, it also negatively impacts their esteem, confidence and academic success.
What is bullying?
Simply put, bullying happens when a young lady’s peers intentionally and consistently hurt her emotionally, physically or verbally. Often times, bullying is mistaken for teasing. It is important to recognize the difference. Bullying is NOT teasing. Teasing can happen amongst friends, for instance with whom your child is on an equal plain. Bullying is frightening, humiliating, stressful and intimidating. Today, girl bullies are as commonplace in schools as boy bullies, however they utilize different methods. While some will spread gossip about other girls, or say unkind things to girls about their weight or overall appearance, other school girl bullies will tend to bully as a group, which gives the lead bully more control. Group bullying typically escalates into after school physical intimidation or fighting.
Following are a few helpful stats about bullying from the National Resource Center for Safe Schools:
- 160,000 students miss school every day due to fear of attack or intimidation by a bully; 7 percent of eighth-graders stay home at least once a month because of bullies
- Approximately 20 percent of students are scared throughout much of the school day
- 14 percent of 8th- through 12th-graders and 22 percent of fourth- through eighth-graders surveyed reported that “bullying diminished their ability to learn in school”
- 10 percent of students who drop out of school do so because of repeated bullying
- 30 percent of students who have been bullied do not tell anyone
Other interesting facts about bullying
- Bullying by girls is often more subtle and harder to detect than bullying by boys and includes social exclusion
- Girls are more likely to bully in a group
Prevention: Combat Bullying 101
Be Proactive
A significant number of girls who experience bullying suffer in silence due to feelings of shame, embarrassment or fear. When asked how their day was, they will respond with a customary, “Fine.” Try sharing a personal story about an experience you had with a bully when you were a child. This provides a wonderful opportunity to keep the door of communication open while also helping your child to understand that they are not alone. Don’t forget to share how your bullying situation made you feel and what strategies you used to overcome it, if any. Follow up by asking your child if she has ever been in a similar situation and listen. Another great strategy is to ask the question, “What made you upset, angry or sad today?” This unexpected question may yield a very candid answer. Be prepared to offer an understanding ear.
Take Your Child Seriously
When a girl opens up about having been bullied, the two biggest mistakes parents make are not taking their child’s complaints seriously and telling them to “toughen up,” and allowing the bullying to continue. While it is important to counsel children to develop strength for their journey, bullying behavior should never be tolerated. The two most important things you can do when they confide in you is to reassure your them that you understand their feelings and that you will do everything you can to keep them safe.
Gather the Facts
It is important to understand the circumstances around which your daughter is being bullied so that you may help her to create a plan to stop it. This information will also come in handy as you work together with the school, after-school or other program administrator to address it. You should ask:
“What happened?”
“Who did this?”
“Where were you?”
“Who was there?” “Were you alone?”
“Has it happened before?” “How often?”
“How does it start?”
“What did you do?”
“Do you think he’ll do it again?”
“Did anyone help you?”
“Did an adult see this?”
Make an Action Plan
Trends show that bullying starts in elementary school, peaks in middle school and begins to decrease in the 11th and 12th grades. Many girls many not be able to or feel comfortable handling bullying on their own: they need your help. Depending on her age and the bullying situation, here are a few tips to consider:
Because bullying usually happens in unsupervised areas, suggest that your daughter stay near others at lunch, recess, in hallways, near lockers, parks, or while in other areas.
Bully’s typically hone in on those who are by themselves so help your daughter to identify at least one supportive companion.
When being bullied, emphasize that sometimes the best thing to do is leave the scene or walk towards an adult, crowd or older kids.
Identify a trustworthy and discreet adult who can help your child when you’re not around. They must take this seriously, protect your child, and, if necessary, keep this role as protector confidential.
Teach Confident Verbal and Non-verbal Communication
Research finds that young ladies who learn how to be assertive and appear more confident are less likely to be targeted by bullies. Teach or enroll your daughter in a class that provides self confidence and presentation skill coaching so that they appear less afraid. Try showing your daughter how to use a stone-faced glare that looks straight through the bully. If she needs to respond to a bully verbally, demonstrate how to use a strong, firm voice to deliver short, direct messages such as: “No.” “Nope.” “Cut it out.” “Leave me alone.” “No way.” Remind her that crying, whining, insulting, or threatening only makes things worse. Bullies love knowing they can push one’s buttons. Create bullying situations that your daughter could potentially find herself in ( like in the restroom, lunchroom or on the playground) and act them out. Provide her with an opportunity to confidently walk away, speak, etc. so that she will feel self-assured if she is approached by the bully in the future.
Boost Self-confidence
•Being bullied dramatically affects your child’s self-esteem, so find activities, such as a hobby, sport , modeling, social grace or talent classes that your child enjoys and can excel at, to boost her confidence.
While you cannot fight all of your daughter’s battles, don’t hesitate to step in when needed. If there’s ever the possibility your child could be injured be sure to expand your action plan to include teachers, school or program administrators and other parents.
COMING NEXT WEEK:
Parent Toolkit: Cruel Intentions Part 2 - What To Do When Your Daughter Bullies Others.
COMING SOON:
7 Habits of Highly Effective Families
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